What I really WANT and TRY to think, when I sometimes reflect on the most senseless, intentional and unjust betrayals of my life is: "Forgive them, for they not know what they do."
Though despite my genuine and well intended desire, the sobering REALITY that I KEEP SEEING is: unashamedly calculated and callous behavior by people who honestly don't care. No lessons learned ... and they probably never will be. So clearly, the joke is on me, if I keep thinking that any type of relationship can survive this type of abuse, or that I can keep surviving that type of abuse.
Why? Because people like that don't want to change, but instead think they can do whatever they want. When they're respectfully reminded of boundaries, they attack. When you distance yourself, you're accused of cutting them off. When you avoid their abusive behavior, they depict you as the reason for the estrangement, to themselves and others. And of course, there are always people who are easily influenced into believing all their lies or even get in on the act with the blame-game themselves. It's easy for people to believe lies when they really want them to be true.
It's quite bewildering, really, some of the desperate and crazy behavior I've personally experienced without just cause throughout the course of my life. All of it has been remarkably undignified but toxic people have no shame. It's quite remarkable the lengths people have gone to, in an attempt to bring me down simply because my genuine, strong, happy and achievement-orientated nature, irritates their demons. When toxic people have dealt you their absolute worst, and you notice or address it - even kindly, tactfully or assertively - they accuse you of seeing "the worst in people". True story.
The good news is... none of it has worked! Notice how their toxicity and emotional abuse has stopped me dead in my tracks? Notice how I've given up on life and have crawled under a rock? Notice how I hide and don't say anything about it? Notice how I haven't achieved anything worthwhile? OK, OK... I've got to pull it together now, because I'm cracking myself up over here.
Though unbelievably, they still don't get it... and due to the backward way they think, they probably never will. They keep hoping deep down that I will one day retract or fail, break, stop achieving, or I have no other choice but to need them in order for them to feel superior and experience a sense of control and power that they so desperately long for given it's void in other areas of their life.
But when their life mission and purpose is simply trying to drag me down in whatever way they can to feel better about themselves... well it's rather sad for them that their life has come to this, and flattering for me that I'm the center of their universe. Given I refuse to be dragged down, toxic people are deeply disturbed by the fact that they've actually aided my growth, strengthened my resolve, and have given me great reasons not to suffer fools, instead of the contrary that they had hoped or expected.
For a toxic person, that type of outcome must be their worst nightmare...especially given they've played such a powerful part in my incredibly purposeful and fulfilling journey. Afterall, they're supposed to belittle and destroy, certainly not help or aid!
I choose to look on the bright side and make lemons into lemonade. Despite their low, underhanded attempts, I can't deny they've provided me with an unlimited supply of red hot content to help thousands of others survive and thrive beyond toxic people. Gratitude always.
I am a toxic person's worst nightmare. ♀️